How I Exposed Myself at a Restaurant and Lived to Tell the Tale
Ok, this is a true and embarrassing short story...please don't tell anyone else...
I was visiting back home and was to meet my friend at a restaurant for dinner. My friend owned a store just down the street and she asked me to stop by the store before meeting to eat so I could help her move some boxes for her.
I approached the first of the boxes and upon my first deep knee bend...
I heard a"RRRRRIIIIPPPP!"
I was wearing my favorite shorts that I had only days before gotten some battery acid on. This had made a long ratty hole along my pocket. So naturally I assumed I had just ripped that hole a bit more and continued with moving the rest of the boxes.
We then walked down to the restaurant and sat down against the wall at a corner booth that was open the the room. I sat with my back to the wall and faced the room with no table in front of me. I was "open to the room" in other words.
We sat and chatted, ordered our drinks, chatted some more.
Then the waitress walked up and leaned over the table and whispered into my friend's ear zipped away.
My friend leaned over to me to pass on the message, "I think your fly is open."
I looked down and in UTTER ASTONISHMENT...
The "RRRRRIIIIPPPP" I heard earlier was NOT my pocket!
It was the entire crotch seam of my shorts that had split wide open! I'm talking a full 12 inch wide by 6 inch hole completely open to the air and indeed the entire world.
Oh but it gets worse...you see,
I was going "commando" at the time you know, no undies... Um, yeah. I'm that guy. I'm telling you, there wasn't anything hidden from the full room of diners!
What did I do you ask? What would you do? I walked outside and grabbed a few flowers out of planter and walked back in and handed them to the waitress saying,
"I usually give a girl flowers before we get this far."
She laughed and hugged me...one of those lean in, stick your butt out hugs of course. Ugh. Yeah it happened. She said you better get those shorts sewn up like quick!
I didn't have anything to change into and all my clothes were across town. But my friend had this very mini sewing machine back at her store.
She pulled this little thing out from her cabinet and in no more than 5 minutes, she had the crotch and even the hole in the pocket of my favorite shorts all sewn up like new. I was amazed at how well it worked for its size! Are we still talking about the sewing machine? Lol
I can't believe I really wrote this story down. And now it's on the internet!
This is a true story, it was mortifying and funny at the same time and I hope you got a laugh at my expense. I'm okay with it.